Nicks Bday weekend summed up

I treated him and me to a weekend at the Poconos Cove Haven Resort. A couples getaway spot for his bday which was definately not cheap! It was an attempt to celebrate his bday in a big way while giving us a chance to rekindle what’s been slippin away. Every nite i went to sleep and woke up there i was miserable. I tried in so many ways to spark that flame but. nothing. He made it so easy for us to just not rekindle anything. We did the hot tub wit champagne and candles and piff and he got tired and got out and went to bed. I put candles on the bed head board by the mirrors so we can have romance, he blew them out cuz it wasnt safe. I attempted for us to have risky sex in a public whirlpool and he was scared bout the people whom were payin us no mind and we didnt finish. I attempted for us to go watch Babyface playing live for romance and turns out he hates him cuz his exwife loved him, what dat gotta do wit us? no idea. The room we were in had a hott tub in the shape of a heart, a round sexy bed with mirrors surroundin it, a fire place wit a love seat next to it, a cathedral setting to the room, dim lights, we had champagne, piff, room service, dark velvet color scheme, etc. and still nothing. This is why we’re not pregnant, cuz in every attempt to make babies I failed. Although I really wasn’t going for a baby but jus romance and love making, didnt get that. There is nothing left to attempt, im done with talking, doing, crying, trying. I dont wanna have sex anymore with him, im not putting a set time frame but i REALLY dont want him to touch me, fuck me, make love to me, jus like the attempts i made this weendend dat resulted with- nothing. If we do have sex again sometime this month it wont be because of me. I just dont wanna get shot down anymore, im tired of my feelings getting hurt and me feeling stupid cuz i try and have sex with no luck. I feel like a caged bird. Its tuesday, da last time i had sex was 4 days ago and we jus got back from the trip two days ago smh. The worst feeling to feel when with someone is to be denied from them, all i wanna do is indulge in him because i love him so much and i cant cuz he denies me. I dont have no more to say, im done, im to tired for dis crap.

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