Back from Therapy

So i went to therapy and i must admit, it wasn’t bad, it made me feel better. We talked about my pain with my infertility, my “biological” father, nick and halloween, and my sister being pregnant. She said that all my life I have been trying to put the pieces together in figuring things out in my life since my family was never open to talking and explaining things to me. She said I should be upset and my feelings are normal and to be expected. she really jus listens to let me vent my feelings out since i have no one else to talk to about certain things. When i got home though i decided to want to express a little of whats real deep inside me to nick, things i havent even told my therapist, well i started talking bout my session with Dr. Dewitt and what we talked about and he shared a little with me too, he said what i feel for jasmine is what he feels for javi cuz of the person jose is, the father he is and husband to the mother of his child. SO him being so open i decided to get a little more open with him and tell him how i really feel and my darkest thoughts you could say, well i told him that soemtimes when im around jasmine, i want to kick her across the room cuz thats how much hatred i had with the infertility, well he didnt take it very well, he told me in all seriousness that he’s not sure if he wants me to go over there anymore around her, that i took it too far and all im thinking is.. i guess i am alone in these feelings. It still dont change the fact that when i look at her, jasmine, i HATE her! i still feel that feeling of looking at her stupid down syndrome looking face, she always looks like she slow like her mother and it pisses me off. I hate when she looks at me, when she’s crying it makes my ears feel like their bleeding and it makes me want to throw her little fat chubby stupid ass str8 out the window. Will i ever act on these thoughts? NO! of course not! but man i really cant help how i feel and thoughts. It sickens me how irrisponsible her dumb ass parents are, how dependent they are on ‘ME;…can i use ur car, can i use ur phone, can i borrow some clothes, u have anythig to drink? eat? can u watch jasmine? among many other favors they want. It bothers me cuz if im down and out i dont depend on others i do all that i can to do for myself b4 expecting hand outs, these spoiled bitches make me fucking sick! im jus tired of being the responsible one, i dont like feeling needed al the fucking time from some grown ass adults dat r so stupid they cant even tend to their own child. i have this feeling in my gut that says somethig aint right and i cant shake that feeling when it comes to his family, i never even felt this way about joels family, i NEVER depended on his older brother and his wife, then again i did stay in his parents house but that was for joel, he literally made me! i never wanted to stay there jus like nicks family. So i pretty much am at square one…feeling alone and by myself in my feelings.